My Mother

This is a very different post, again this is more like a journal for me, a way to dump rather than converse.

My mother-in-law does not live up to the title. Most of the time mother-in-law is used as a pejorative term. My mother in law fails that test. She is a sweet loving lady whom many people love. Unfortunately she is literally on her death bed in our home right now as I am typing. The visiting hospice nurse today thought my mother-in-law might not last the weekend. Sad yes, but at 89 she has lived a good long life and actually, with no quality of life recently, she is ready to go. She will soon be in heaven with Jesus. The good news is she has been in no pain for the past six or eight weeks after several years of constant pain. Of course we will miss her, but her passing will be a blessing to her.

The reason I bring this up is I've never been physically close to anyone who is in the last days of their life. Not even my own mother. I really haven't thought much about death except to consider my own which I'm not afraid of because I too will be with Jesus. Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and friends have died, but somehow they were all far away in different states. The notification of their death has always been a bit sterile, long distance, and often days or weeks after they've passed on.

I left home when I was 18 years old to join the U.S. Navy. I did visit home in Rochester NY a minimum of once a year for many years but I never moved back to the city of my birth where my parents lived for another 20+ years. I wish I could reverse time and do it over.

I've certainly loved living in California all these years but today, with my mother-in-law passing away just 20 feet from me as I type, I've had ample time to consider how this process happens and how sad it must have been for my mother. I've observed my wife and her brother crying over the coming loss of their mother. My wife rarely cries so this tells me how deeply felt this is for her.

My mother was a saint by anybody's definition. Everyone loved her. She was sweet, gentile, affectionate, caring, kind, and never said a cross word about anybody. She even put up with my alcoholic father. She loved her four children, cared for us, taught us good things in her own way, and taught me how to love. Nobody disliked my mother in the slightest. She was known to all in the family as Na-Na. Even today if I were to speak with one of my cousins they would still refer to her as Na or Na-Na. When I think back it must have been very sad for her to have her three boys all grow up, enter the Navy, move away, and never live in Rochester again. She never said a word about it.

My sister, the youngest of the four, stayed nearby and was close to mom until she died. That was a blessing for both of them.

Today I understand ever so much more than I did before. Relationships are more important than anything else in this world. I called my mother often, visited at least once a year, brought grandchildren for her to know, and loved her every day. I still love and miss her. But if I had it to do over, knowing what I know today, I would have moved back to Rochester to be near to her.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day mom.